There's something that everyone aches to have.  And that is passion, and that is love.  Everyone wants to fill the void that they have inside of them.  Everyone has this void in them, and everyone seeks to fill this void in their own way.  This is the path that most people walk in life, a continuous need to fill this emptiness.  I also have walked this path.  My greatest confession, my greatest temptation, is to fill that void with something that I know I know will never satisfy, only leave me with more longing.  That is the downfall, that is the catch.  That the thing you want the most is never ending, it only matters which way you go, is what you want, the thing that is never fulfilling down the dark path?  Or is the path you follow uplifting?  What you do, what you want, will only leave you with two options:  either it is beneficial or detrimental.  Really it doesn't matter where you are on whatever path your on.  If you can't see the end, whether it will be a good end or a bad end, then you are ignorant. 
  You see your friend perhaps, experimenting with things that are detrimental, it doesn't matter that they are at the start of the path that leads downward, the fact of the matter is that they are on THAT path.  And that IS what matters. 
  I see people every day, in every interaction that I have with anybody, people that want to love Something SO desperately that they end up loving EVERYTHING and ANYTHING.  Only seeking to find THAT one thing that would be fulfilling.  That one piece to the puzzle that fits perfectly.  And in the infinite possibilities available to us: some find it and some don't.  But something that important I say: don't leave to chance.  The sooner you start on that journey the sooner you find something that shatters your world.  The sooner you find something of real meaning, that which is eternal. 
  I have travelled the alternate paths, the darker forms of exhistence.  Those things which start in deceit and end in lies.  On the dark path there are still forks, other paths which you can travel, up and down.  But the fact remains, that you are still on a dark path, and unless you break the cycle you will remain shrouded in darkness Unless you break the Cycle.  Break out of the circles, question everything:  even what you think, value, and hold as truth.
  I don't seek to promote a religion, only a movement.  Join with me, in an adventure to discover the Self. 
  Really do you want to wait until the afterlife to discover the Diety?  Become involved with those who are impatient and won't wait until death to see God.  Be with those who Seek.  The treasure we Seek can't be found, but only Seekers find it.
  Embark on an adventure that will show you things greater than anything you have ever experienced Inside and Outside of everything you have ever known.

Ignite.

message me.

There are a few things I'd like to talk about.  The first is definately my turning a year older, not suddenly, day by day, but the one year marker was finally reached yesterday, or well I guess two days ago since its very very early saturday morning.  What is funny I suppose is what the number 23 represents is exactly what I experienced, and 24 is going to be amazing because of the year 23.  I can only say that with the experiences of 23 I can truly start to become human.  What happened on my birth night is that for a third time I knocked on a door that has never been opened to me, and sure enough, it came crashing open.  And so the law is true, if you ask three times you cannot be denied.

As you may or may not know I'm single again.  But this time its different, very different.  I'm single, but so taken.  I'm taken with a thought and desire.  How can I look at another girl when my thoughts are continually tracing the outline of her sillouette?  It's alright, at least its a way to stay out of trouble.  Plus I'll be leaving this place soon anyway and seek other shores, so being with someone wouldn't be easy in that respect.  South Beach here I come. 

In so saying that I can tell you that I found my new hobby.  I love to Travel, not as you understand it, but as the universe understands it.  If I say we, I definately mean I.  My favorite place is deep in the multiverse where there is no understanding of human, and thought is voice.  Or maybe its that place where we are instead existing as the tears of a forlorn lover, spattering the dust at their feet. 

I really wear my heart on my sleeve if you care to know, which I know you probably don't.  But my love for life is only exceeded by my need for it.  I drink heavily the pure wine, and I don't complain that my cup is dirty.  Everyone's cup is dirty one way or another.  This will not always be the case of course, but for now it is. 

I only wish there were more people that spoke my language, more people that could share my sorrow, and the joys of life.  But there is not, and only two in a hundred I meet know the true meaning of what I speak.  Everyone else is happy sleeping.  Then I realize this is not the place for me. 

Do you understand what it would mean to live life without fear of hell, and without hope of heaven?  I wish you could.

Jan 9. 06.

What a nice sunny day today is.  Walking around is real nice.  I think that I enjoy the warm winter days better than the summer ones.  They seem more special, perhaps because they are more rare.

When I delve into it though its just another example of our dualistic world that we live in.  I wouldn't know what a nice day was if there were not bad days.  And while I want all the days to be nice as I prefer them, I wouldn't choose to have everyday be nice if I had control over that because I would lose the bad that I would contrast this good against and as opposed to everyday being 'nice' they would begin to be like everyother day, it wouldn't be a 'nice' day, just 'another' day.  In fact I wouldn't know I had 'nice' days unless I had first experienced having a bad day.

I know that this conclusion seems rather elementry and perhaps a bit immature, but I find as I contemplate this subject that its a perfect example of life.  I wouldn't be able to experience joy to the fullest unless I had first experienced sorrow to the fullest, and vice versa.  So to experience joy or sorrow more and more I must experience each one to a greater extent before I can use that experience to catapault myself to new levels of the other.

So why be fearful of drinking from the bitter cup?  How else will you be able to fully appreciate the sweet one?  Why fear burning my throat and heart in life. 

Maybe you don't take me seriously.  I only attribute that to the fact that I don't take myself seriously, or life seriously.  I take it playfully, and play my part in life as opposed to letting my part play me. 

It's like when I was a young kid.  I had fun imagining and playing all sorts of different parts, sometimes I was a police officer, sometimes a deep jungle explorer.  And in my play I took the parts seriously, but it was still fun because I was playing a part, playing.  Then as I've grown older I see all the 'adults' that are living life drudging through, not being as happy as they should/could.  I wonder, do they know they're really just playing a part?  So perhaps now you see what I mean when I say I don't take life seriously, probably because I don't see the universe as being all that serious.  Rather, look around you, everything in nature is playing, a joyous continuous tune.

I do admit I've got a bit of rascality in me.  Did I just make up that word?  I have no idea.  Like I said, I'm somewhat of a rascal, and a bit unpredictable at times.  But then again that might just be what makes whatever relationship we share fun and exciting.  Because you just never know what JohnE is going to do and say next.  And if you do, well I may just surprise you.

Smile.  It changes lives.

P.S. You can stop reading here, I am just going to discuss my thoughts on perception with myself.  You can join if you want, it may be short or long.

I've come to the conclusion that people perceive me exactly how I perceive myself.  I ran into a contradiction in past because I had built my perception of myself on how others perceived me.  I suppose that I was letting people in a sense steal my watch only to sell it back to me.  Now this realization about peoples perceptions of me was a big life changer.  I realized that this 'me' that I thought I was, was nothing more than this imagined self that other people projected on me.  Experiment if you like.  It started in college, in group projects, nobody wants to be the leader of the group because of responsibility issues.  I decided to volunteer to be a group leader and played that part like I thought a real leader would play it, because I didn't think that I was a real leader, only a pretender scamming potential followers.  Oh but to my surprise when my (the leaders) ideas were the ones that people supported, and how people wanted my input before they'd comment.  I was surprised at first, but soon 'playing' leader became real fun, the way I see it the only real responsibility a leader has is to help people become better. (Like they aren't already -sarcasm-)  Everyone is beautiful, loving, lovable, and has great potential.  They are only looking at themselves wrong (maybe as they think others see them).  The only thing that a leader does is perhaps only changing the perspective that they view themselves, or at least helping them to reevaluate themselves, and in the vary least helping them to only recognize this greatness within themselves.  People want proof, they always seem to want evidence.  Well at least for religious people who have faith in a God that they can't see you'd think that they might have as much or more faith in themselves who they not only see, but experience everyday.  So for those lacking the hardest thing (which is really an easy thing) a leader has to do is provide proof, something inside them that provides this basis.  Being a leader is only one of the roles that people play, or as you've probably experienced, play people.  So these cumalitive experiences have taught me to look at people differently, not as others look at them.  What do I see, potential and greatness.  You might ask how I can see that in everybody?  Well I'll tell you, simply put it is because I have the belief that everybody has the same potential as everybody else.  Interested?  Join the coconspiritors in this operation.  But first and foremost you must know one thing, and that is.  Know thyself.

Peace, love, and light upon you all.